that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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