***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
