Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
