We need to start having sex underwater more often.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
