So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
