Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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