I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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