I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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