I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
