I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
