Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Boobs speak an international language.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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