What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
