Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
