i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
