She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
