she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
