Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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