batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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