Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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