I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
