once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
