i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
