so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
