I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
