I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
