There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
