marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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