Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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