Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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