I think I am morally bankrupt
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
