Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
