I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
a search helicopter?!
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
