you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
