I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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