I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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