I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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