I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
