after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
