New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Semen is not good for contacts.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
