It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
