as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
