I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
