Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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