My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
