Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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