It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
