A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
