Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm just crazy horny about you
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
