dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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