ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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